Thursday, April 30, 2015

Year Two: Wahnsinn Und Blödheit

Well, we seem to have made it through another year, and the bloooog's anniversary has magically landed on the most holy of holy days.  Last year, we listed some of the search queries that had brought people into our dark corner of the internet, and I thought we would continue the tradition.  Here are some of my personal favorites from this past year.

1. midget kangaroo
2. spandex guys
3. chub chasers
4. chubby chasers 2
5. What is a petard?
6. women chubby chasers (there is definitely a theme emerging here)
7. mindless meditation
8. drunk giraffe picture
9. miniature wife
10. 8.75 x 40  (how mysterious!)

Hmm, you people really are fascinating.  I suppose this is an improvement over last year's collection of search queries where people were seeking information on dead prostitutes.  Still, there is a continuing not so subtle sexual theme to many of your searches, but at least the girls your are seeking now appear to be alive...and possibly very well fed.  Really, I am shocked and horrified that people would use the internet for such deviant purposes.

We're probably going to be fairly busy for the next couple days, but I sort of feel like I should be making a speech, or at least make some sort of mildly amusing statement on this grand occasion.  Unfortunately, I am already deeply into the alcohol and cookies regimen that will sustain me for the next 72 hours.  It may sound unhealthy, but I can assure you it is the diet of champions.  This sort of binging inevitably results in a kind of zen like state that improves our powers of draft prognostication, or at the very least will provide an excuse for some of our more stupid decisions.  It might sound like an unhealthy way to live, but it is really the only way to make it through the 3 day coma that is the NFL Draft.  3 DAYS OF SLOTH!  3 DAYS OF SLOTH!  3 DAYS OF SLOTH!  I can't see how this won't provide NFL GMs some slight advantage in our upcoming battle.

Still, there is one thing I would like request, as a sort of birthday gift.  While I know our circle of readers is extremely small (I prefer to think of you as elite), I still wonder who some of you are.  In particular, I have always wondered who one regular visitor is, that Google informs me comes from Abu Dhabi.  It's not that the rest of you aren't interesting as well, but come on, Abu Dhabi?  There has to be a story to this guy.  Either way, it would be interesting to hear who some of you bozos are, and how your life went so terribly wrong that you wound up here.  Of course, if you prefer to remain anonymous and are concerned that a visit to the comment section might reveal that you are indeed a chubby chaser, I would completely understand.  Just realize that this is a safe place, and we won't pass any judgements about you...unless you are the guy searching for drunk giraffe pictures.  That's just weird.


  1. My draft using my own big board.

    1st.The imaginary cardinals select Eric Kendricks ILB UCLA.
    (kevin Minter is the only OK ILB we have and this is fairly big need)

    2nd. The imaginary cardinals select Randy Gregory Edge Nebraska.
    (presents an insane value and we need an edge rusher badly)

    3rd. I'd actually take david johnson so it'll stay the same.
    (Andre ellington and....not much else)

    4th The imaginary cardinals select Grady Jarret Int D-line Clemson.
    (need on the d-line and to fortify the run defense for the future)

    5th. We select Justin Coleman CB Tennesse
    (CBs a bigger need than advertised)

    7th. Does it matter? We select Brian Parker TE Albany cause why not.
    (TE is a need and he's on your big board so why not)

    Behold my semi impressive draft haul.

    1. I have to admit, I like your selections for the Cardinals more than the ones that the team actually made.

      While I don't really have any particular team that I root for, the Cardinals always strike me as an organization that is interesting to follow. They have some very interesting players, but always seem to just be missing one or two crucial pieces.

    2. Injuries suck which abseloutley wrecked their 2014 campaign I'm amazed they scraped 3 wins with ryan lindley and drew stanton. The selections they actually made scare me a bit especially since humphries is an injury waiting to happen, And the roster is in decline mode they haven't drafted well the past 3 years 2013,2014,2015...Just not good classes. Though the o-line is much better so yay. Love your website man it's a different place to go and you always make me laugh.